I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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