I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
