I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
