o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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