like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
