So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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