1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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