Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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