Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
