Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
