You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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