she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
