I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
