the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
