is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
