I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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