Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
