worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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