I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
