I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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