So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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