maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My feet surprised me
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