He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
