walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
