First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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