it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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