"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
