Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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