I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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