i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
