Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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