That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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