Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
