I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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