he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just found a bag of teeth...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
