I'm lost and stupid without you.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
