I bet he comes in French.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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