I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
