sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
