So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
