I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
