Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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