ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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