This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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