so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
