did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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