He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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