Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
