if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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