I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
